Becoming Less Homeless

A few days ago I awoke to see $845 missing from my checking account. It took me about 8 seconds to realize I wrote a rent check a week ago for my Boston apartment. I guess that’s how people go broke. Surprise. No money. ADD people shouldn’t be allowed to write checks.

Thank God this happened after I cashed my savings bonds, advanced my credit, and sold my eggs (on the upside, this probably makes it harder for an accidental pregnancy) to make a deposit on an apartment.

I didn’t really sell my eggs. I know there are some of you that were worried… hopefully enough to get your checkbooks out.

Anyway, last Monday was my first day of work. I learned a lot, had so much fun, and got a free meal. At an $8.99 value, I can probably pay off my car before my grandchildren die.

Last Monday I was living in the Culver City Courtyard hotel. I guess now is the time to tell you that my dad is not an asshole, because he so generously used his Marriott points to get me this hotel. [There you go Dad, so sorry, it’s on the record now]. Anyway, LA is great with turndown service. Not so great when you’re getting turned down for crappy apartments with blood stained mattresses… (We looked at some apartments where we’re pretty sure people got murdered, blah blah, you win some you lose some).

Thursday February 9^th was my last day of living in Casa De Courtyard. I really hadn’t stopped to think about what I was going to do about housing once this fantasy ended.

My first thought was that Elena had a parking space in the garage in her apartment My car was comfy enough, and I brought my sheets! When I called and proposed this idea, she told me I was ridiculous and I was going to stay with her until she, her roommate, and I, could find an apartment together (their lease was up in a month anyway).

This was all well and good, but she and her roommate shared a studio apartment. Nope. I may be poor, but I have standards. Those standards don’t include a three way spoon sesh with a couple of chicks.

I wanted to cover my bases in case the odd couple wasn’t up for moving quickly. So I sent out a bunch of responses to craigslist ads, and even met with a 60 year old Irish lady who seemed like she would be an awesome roomie.

Luckily before I could settle into a Golden Girls life, Elena and Nina hopped on board and applied for our West LA dream home. We spent a whole night finding creative ways to word our employment situations, and illegibly filling in bank account numbers for our rental applications. The next day the little Italian landlady gave me a call. She told me that since I’m a Capricorn and a Snake (according to the Chinese new year) that I’m attractive, good with money, and she trusts me. I’ll take it. I’m pretty sure she didn’t even look at our credit.

Sacrifices had to be made to live the sweet life. With a little creative financing… I can afford a bed next Wednesday. For the latter half of last week, I was sleeping on four couch cushions pushed together on my floor…bound together by my fitted sheet (I knew it would come in handy). Until Wednesday, I’m sleeping with Elena on her futon. Well, not futon. The futon didn’t fit in the UHaul. We’re sleeping on her futon cushion. I guess I didn’t totally avoid the spoon sesh after all.

Anyway, I’m realizing more and more every day how lucky I am.  California is the best place to be poor.